Let’s be real

A Deafening Silence

I cannot hide my anger to spare you guilt, nor hurt feelings, nor answering anger; for to do so insults and trivializes all our efforts. - Audre Lorde

A True Believer

I learned early to protect and defend my beliefs. While I never outwardly attacked anyone for their beliefs, I pitied them for not knowing ‘The Truth.’ I pinned two tiny gold baby’s feet to my sweater to symbolize saving the unborn, the ultimate symbol of Christian virtue. And I was taught and believed it was my job to save my friends and family. Our job was to welcome everyone, anyone to become a believer, be part of the family of faith. It was sometimes subtle, other times blatant invitations to convert. To confess one’s Sin and be saved. We called it outreach. I went to a Christian college and worked for Young Life, a Christian youth outreach program. I have soaked up faith traditions as varied in their core beliefs as in their practices.

While I grew up in a mission focused evangelical church culture that emphasized right belief, warned of straying from the path or questioning, I had a family that focused more on loving like Jesus… and a few wise Christian contemplative mentors along the way, who inspired me to look beyond simplistic beliefs to a deeper more nuanced faith.

Over the last eight years, I have witnessed a troubling shift in many Christian circles

from right action to right belief,

from welcoming to excluding,

from compassion to cruelty,

from mercy to vengeance,

from humility to arrogance,

from curiosity to fear.

When beliefs bear rotten fruit, I think it is time, in Pema Chodron’s words, to face them honestly and clearly, and then step beyond them.

So, like many, I have looked beyond Christian circles to widen the aperture on cultivating a life of love and belonging. The journey has been beautiful and life-giving, and at times lonely and heartbreaking. I am so grateful for the curious few who have traveled alongside me.

Status Quo

Initially it seems easier to maintain the status quo of our beliefs, safer somehow. But is the cost too great? It was for me. I confess, sometimes I wish I could unknow what I know. I wish I could go along to get along. My default state is to appease, to please, to keep the peace. I am not exaggerating when I say disconnection feels like death. I am an enneagram 9, a peacemaker who works to maintain harmony on the inside and out. I feel division and conflict deep in my bones. I sense disconnection and tension like a living breathing thing. So, the state of our world, our communities, our families, our churches — the fault lines being revealed, through lies, fear and cruelty - burn like lava erupting from the core of my being.

Getting Honest

Why do you keep blaming Christians? I had a friend ask me this recently on social media. I appreciate the direct honest question. I wish more of us would get real in this way, especially in person, face to face. I have thought about her question often these last weeks. At first I wanted to mediate, soothe, say, I don’t blame anyone. But that would be a lie and I am more interested in telling the truth.

So here is my answer. I am most critical of the circle of believers who helped form me, my first faith family, the ones who first challenged me to answer the call, What would Jesus do? You can look at the stats and see that more than 80 percent of white evangelicals voted for Trump in 2016 and again in 2024. Do I blame you because you voted for Trump? Hell, yes I do.

You knew Trump would fight for you, hate the same people you hated, validate your victimhood. It did not matter that he bragged about grabbing women by the pu$$y. You still voted for him. Twice. And now, I realized it was not in spite of his hateful cruelty, but because of it. You wanted a bully. You wanted someone who would not play nice. Maybe you were tired of being nice white Christians? I see your bitterness, your resentment, your hate. Let’s not pretend it is not there.

And I mean, I get it. Sort of. We were raised to believe no one understood us. We were outliers, underdogs. The world was out to get us. People made fun of us. We were the ones choosing the narrow path. But is it true, really? I too was taught to believe in sinner and saved, heaven and hell, good and evil. So of course, I picked the side of the saved, the good, the heaven-bound. But it also forms a mistrust and fear of anyone not on your side. It creates an us and them. It creates winners and losers. And the reality is, the story of Jesus was never a story of winners. Loving the least of these, critiquing wealth and status, rejecting the powerful got him killed. He did not die a winner. He was the king of the losers, the rejects, the outcasts.

White Christian women, it is time for us to get honest. I have lived alongside you, attended Bible studies with you, sat side by side in the pews, shared communion, attended our kids class parties, served as room moms together. We belong to vast social networks, country clubs and churches that give us automatic access and connection to an Insider crowd. We were never the victims. I attended fundraisers with you and confess, early on I liked being invited to the galas and the exclusive events. It is seductive and I dove in with eager curiosity. But what I started to see being revealed darkened my soul.

The last Christian fundraiser made me nauseous. I could not continue to participate in self congratulatory giving as we donated backpacks to new immigrant families and acted like the white saviors we were most definitely not. No more selfies on the dance floor after auctioning off a week at someone’s ski home for $10,000 while brown skinned hourly workers look upon our excess and greed. No more side conversations about not raising our taxes that would make it unnecessary to give a family a new backpack but rather to empower them to buy their own through a tax system and social programs that support them. No more witnessing fellow Christians applaud themselves for their generosity then complain about paying taxes that could make philanthropy unnecessary. And no more supporting Christian organizations who say they give women a second chance, a step up while requiring they attend Christian indoctrination classes.

Naming The Harm

If you are paying attention, even just a little, the horror of what is being revealed and uncovered is too much for our nervous systems to bear.

It is the apocalypse we were warned about in Bible school. It comes from the Greek, apukalupsis, or the “uncovering of hidden truths.” The sadistic violent abuse, rape and murder of children over years, across continents, by powerful wealthy men, has brought us face to face with a horror our human nature struggles to accept and admit. Because we have to admit it has been here all along, so rotten and festering, saturated in the soil of our civil society. We have all been living in a system supporting, benefiting and participating in the economic exploitation of children. Acknowledgement. Our 401ks, our purchases across technology platforms, our entertainment… all soaked in exploitation and abuse by corporate elites who see themselves as untouchable. There is no denying it anymore. And yet, I hear a deafening silence from the evangelicals who claim to be the pro-life protectors of the innocent. Instead of protecting the victims and revealing the abusers we are being ruled by a mob boss and his loyal soldiers who continue to cover up, lie, deny, deflect and then congratulate themselves on their narcissistic exploits .

A Time For Rage

It is time to name not just the perpetrators, abusers and liars but the women who empower and enable them. What possesses women to betray other women and children? We have all witnessed the smirk and scoff of Pam Bondi, the highest legal representative of the people, as she sits with a cold jaded grin and refuses to even look at or acknowledge the courageous survivors of unspeakable abuse. Or Kristi Noem, military Barbie, queen of calculated cruelty, with her purchased Mar-a-Lago smile, framed by waves of hair beneath a ball cap meant to show her grit… or more likely to hide her shame? And the award winning, white purity actress, press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, who betrays generations of women who have bled and fought for the right for her to stand at that podium. She proudly spouts lies, mocks and deflects, as the cross-wearing protector of a malignant narcissist. I really have no more patience, no bridge building, peacemaking offerings for white Christian women who act like this is business as usual or who are just too uncomfortable to face the truth while their pastors also deflect and lie from the pulpit. And call it church. Neutrality does not exist here. Silence is not neutral.

Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented. - Eli Wiesel

I find myself moving between rage, grief and exhaustion. And it feels essential to stay with the rage and not to bury it or run from it. It burns clear and strong and I have no desire to calm it. I know we must be wary of hate but too many of us white women have been told to temper our anger, to stay calm, to be nice, blend in, stay neutral. We must refuse to normalize this moment. Neutrality and silence feed the oppressor and harm the oppressed. Our rage is rational. Our rage is necessary. We need more women to weep and wail. It is time to release our tears to let them rain down like fury. This is not a time to temper. It is a time for tempests.